Two Weeks to Flatten Everything

March 13, 2020 was the day the American timeline split in two. In the span of about eight hours: the NBA suspended its season after Rudy Gobert tested positive (having previously touched every microphone in the room as a joke — a joke that aged like milk left in the sun), Tom Hanks announced he and Rita Wilson had COVID from Australia, and the President declared a national emergency. Schools closed. Offices emptied. Grocery stores were stripped of toilet paper with a ferocity usually reserved for Black Friday electronics. Everyone said "two weeks" with the confidence of someone who has never been wrong about anything. The stock market fell off a cliff. Your group chat became an epidemiology seminar overnight. People who couldn't point to Wuhan on a map three months earlier were suddenly citing R-naught values. Sourdough starter became a personality trait. And somewhere in the background, a clock started ticking on something none of us were ready for.