Hollywood Announces 47th Reboot of a Franchise Nobody Asked For

In a move that surprised exactly zero people who have observed the entertainment industry at any point in the last fifteen years, a major studio announced plans to reboot a beloved franchise that was last relevant when flip phones were still a thing. The press release promises a "bold, grounded reimagining for a new generation," which is studio code for "we ran out of original ideas sometime around 2014 and have been running on nostalgia fumes ever since." The project will be helmed by a director whose previous credits include two critically panned sequels and a Super Bowl commercial, and will star whoever is currently trending on TikTok by the time production begins. Early test audiences described the script as "fine," which in Hollywood focus group parlance translates to "we will lose $200 million on this." The film is scheduled for a summer 2027 release, where it will compete with four other reboots and a sequel to a prequel.