Congress Discovers Bipartisanship, Immediately Regrets It

In what historians are already calling "The Forty-Seven Minutes of Civility," the United States Congress briefly experienced bipartisan cooperation on Tuesday when both chambers accidentally agreed on a infrastructure funding amendment. The moment was fleeting, disorienting, and reportedly left several senior senators needing to sit down. Staffers described the atmosphere as "eerie" — like the political equivalent of a solar eclipse, except nobody had the glasses for it. Within the hour, normal hostilities resumed when someone on the floor used the word "reasonable," which was taken as a personal attack by no fewer than three committees. The amendment passed anyway, mostly because nobody wanted to admit they'd read it.