State Department Unveils New Diplomacy Strategy: Strongly Worded Tweets

The State Department announced this week that it would be supplementing traditional diplomatic channels with what officials are calling a "robust social media engagement strategy," which is government-speak for "we're going to tweet about it." According to a 47-page white paper that absolutely nobody will read, the initiative will leverage "platform-native communication modalities" to "foster multilateral discourse in the digital commons." When pressed for specifics, a spokesperson said they were "still workshopping the voice" but confirmed they would not be using emojis in communications with nuclear powers. Small mercies. Critics note that the last time a government official went viral, it cost taxpayers a Senate hearing and a formal apology to the nation of Luxembourg.